Currently Reading Soul's Perfection (Book 2 of the Journey of the Soul series) (Journey of the Soul) By Sylvia Browne see related

Well, as shocking as this might sound (or not -.-) I've come across a religious epiphany. I think I've finally decided to attatch myself to one and stick with it.
Don't think I'll go into it here, though. I don't feel like preaching, and I don't think it's that important that I share. But I do think my outlook on life will be a whole lot better from here on out, so I did think it was important to say something, at least.

Incase anyone reading didn't know, I've been absent from school all this past week (and two days of the week before) due to some serious illnesses. I had a severe sinus infection and bronchitus infection, coupled with severe allergies. -.- It suxxorz pretty bad, but I'm mostly over it now. Thankfully.
... mostly, anyway. @.x; The medicine I'm on makes me really, really weird, though. XD I seriously seem like I'm on drugs, hahaha. I suppose I technically am, but... still. -.-;

I'm working on a new song. :) It's kind of creepy, and similar to one I've already written, but I think I like this one better. I'm hoping to be able to do more with it, at least, then the one I had before it. -.- We'll see how it goes, though.
Maybe, if I can figure out a good way to do so, I can get some soundfile links up here of me playing piano and shhhhtuff. I do have that audio recorder now. ... hee hee. >:3

Ever get the feeling alot of things in your life are changing? Feels like that to me right now.

My mother and I have done some serious bonding while I've been home. We actually sat around and discussed eachothers faults last night, and how we have trouble dealing with this and that, and how we can both improve on it. Out of no where, really. We also had a long discussion about who I choose to date and why.
And she also told me she never meant to stop me from dating anyone, and that whatever choices I make, she stands behind me with. Meaning I'm no longer restricted... :3

I'm having some withdrawls here, though. I haven't hardly spoken to anyone in a week and a half now, and I haven't spent the night with my three best female entities in... over two weeks? O.O Holy shit. T.T You guys, we need to do this. I'm serious. I really miss laughing that much.
I don't think I've really gotten cleaned up and 'nice' looking (meaning how I generally look for school) since I've been sick. -.- My hair is always wavey now. It's wack. Yesterday, while it was wet, I just pulled it back and put a baseball cap on.
I looked like a boy. No kidding. -___-

I think I'm just rambling now because I'm lonely and feeling like I want to share my contentness with people, yet am unable to do so other than via words on a screen... >.<;

I might edit later if I come up with something more important. But for now, no.
*conglomerate mass hugging*

Currently Reading PSIence: How New Discoveries in Quantum Physics and New Science May Explain the Existence of Paranormal Phenomena By Marie D. Jones see related

Well, life has been alot of great things and alot of terrible things all in one, lately. Don't you just love that? Or hate it? Or... something. I don't care. I'm not here to talk about your emotions anyway. -.-

My almost biggest announcement: I bought boy shorts. Which I like to call my guy pants. XD They're the shorts that come to the knee, you know? Only, they're really mens shorts. @.x; But they're much more comfy, and much less revealing than girl ones. And thus, I keep them.
Everyone I know walked up to me all day yesterday and stopped midsentence with something like, "O.o ... Nice pants. I don't think I've ever seen you in shorts since... ever." XD

My BIGGEST announcement: I finally, finally got a digital audio recorder! (Or a wireless audio, as I habitually call it @.x) Do you know what this means? It means I can officially seriously go on paranormal investigations now! X3 It's an Olympus DS-50. I spent $151 on it, and I can honestly say it was money not wasted. It has top notch sound quality, 66 hours of recording time, it's small and compact (smaller than my iPod; about the size of a nano), and it's surprisingly very easy to use, which I was originally very concerned about.
My next step is to buy an EMF (electromagnetic field) detector, which I'll probably have to buy online. I already have a nice digital camera, and a very nice digital camcorder. I think it's safe to say I have a nice repertoire of tools at my disposal now.
What really needs to happen is that I find out which of my friends would want to seriously and scientificially (ie: based on tools and not 'feelings' or psychic abilities) investigate the paranormal as a team, and who would willingly allow me to lead the group. The we would need to establish a name for ourselves and make ourselves known in the paranormal community, which really wouldn't be all that hard to do.
If you haven't noticed yet, I'm very serious about being a paranormal investigator. (As serious about it as Travis is about his firefighting. And that means something.)

Funny Story: My brother and I watched probably 9+ hours of TV this past weekend because I was home, and it was all Ghost Hunters and Haunting and things of that nature. We watched a Worlds Most Creepiest Places show, which listed the top 10 most creepy places (according to the show), and I could name every single one before they told me what it was. XD I realized at that point that I actually know alot more than I think I do about things. Hahaha.

Oh, and April 19th, I'm going to see Sylvia Browne. Not sure if I mentioned that yet or not, so I thought I would. I'm excited, at least, despite that I'm not too certain of her credibility yet. I plan on finding out, though. I'm starting to read one of her books tomorrow. :P

Also. Just for everyone's information: I will not be attending prom this year. Tickets were moved in price to $65, which is fucking ridiculous. I'd still have to pay for a way-too-expensive dress and dinner besides. That would probably total in at somewhere around $400. I don't have that kind of money. It's just too costly. So for anyone who is going, congradulations and have fun. You can tell me all about it later. -.-;

I think I'm done rambling now. I doubt anyone cares about any of the above anyway. XD

Currently Watching The 300 Spartans By Richard Egan, Ralph Richardson, Diane Baker, Barry Coe, David Farrar, Donald Houston, Anna Synodinou, Kieron Moore, John Crawford, Robert Brown, Laurence Naismith, Anne Wakefield, Ivan Triesault, Charles Fawcett, Michalis Nikolinakos, Sandro Giglio, Anna Raftopoulou, Dimos Starenios, Yorgos Moutsios, Nikos Papakonstantinou see related

Have you ever almost had something you wanted so, so bad, and then right at the finish line you trip and totally fuck everything up? Have you ever done it without realizing you fucked up in the first place?

I'm so tired of being the only person who actually thinks about anyone else and their feelings. I'm tired of trying to make sure people are included, of making sure to stick up for people, of investing emotions into people and then realizing that, in the end, it's all worthless.
No one cares. Bottom line: No one fucking cares at all.

I'm done. So done with everything. I just want to lay down and not move anymore. I want to go to sleep until all the problems and the hurt disappear. Because they do disappear. Like scars, they stick around a while, but they do eventually fade-- as long as the wound isn't too deep.
I'm not stupid: I know that. And I know that soon, things will be better. Soon I'll be able to smile again and really mean it.
At least, that's what I'm hoping for.

I feel like this was pointless to say. I'm tired of all the angst, too-- especially from myself. Maybe I'm just not feeling well. Or maybe I really just wish there were good excuses for why people treat me the way they do.

The sun is setting in the sky.
Another day has passed me by.
The grains of sand
Spread 'cross the land
Scream failure, though I did try.

As the dimming turns to night,
I lose clarity of sight.
The colours fade;
So gently made
To show so little light.

The singing of the day
Quickly starts to fade away.
A muted whisper
To the deaf listener,
Who has nothing left to say.

Soon, the sun will rise.
Reborn, a gleaming prize.
A bright tomorrow;
All hope, no sorrow,
And yet I close my eyes.

--Kairi

Currently Listening Withering to Death By Dir en Grey see related

Last night I had probably one of the strangest experiances of my life. Sit down, and open your mind, otherwise you're probably going to be left thinking something like, "wtf?".

I'm really sick. It started about the time I got home yesterday. We thought I had food poisoning, but apparently it's actually a bug. Not really important.
But, in being sick, I only got two hours or less of sleep last night. I was laying in my room, pretty much utterly dilerious, sweating and restless and feeling like I was about to pass out and die. The lights were off, though, because I was trying to go to sleep.
Then I started seeing shadows move around my room. Felt like someone kept walking up to me, around the room, and then into my closet. It's moving pretty fast though, like a brisk walk. I could see a male figure the whole time, the outline thicker the further away it got. Just a black mass, though; no details. And of course, I'm thinking, "Oh great. I'm crazy. ... Again."
So I click on the light, because it starts getting to me; not scary, just irritating. And I can still see it, only now it's more like a tiny black orb that leaves a shadowy trail where it moves. But I could only catch quick glimpses, not look at it directly. Once again, "... Jesus Christ. Why is my luck so retarded?"
And then the images started up. Every time I shut my eyes, I could see an old photograph of a young man in an army uniform. It looked fuzzy, though, like someone looking without their glasses. I could clearly see the army hat and jacket, though; almost like an ROTC uniform, but a little different. And thus, "... wtf?"
Then the name started. Jason, Jason, Jason. Every time I saw that picture, saw that shadow, the name Jason sprang into my mind. And I'm like, "Who the fuck is Jason? I don't know any army-man Jasons."
And all the sudden I had a terribly irrational fear of getting shot by a gun. I literally almost ran downstairs to my mother, I was so afraid. And I hadn't looked at one or thought of one before then; it was just suddenly there. I felt like crying, then.

An odd story, eh? But it's not over. The next morning, when I woke up for school to go see my mom in the kitchen at 5AM, I turned to her and asked, "Mom, who do you know named Jason who was or is in the army?" She said no one, then stopped, correcting herself. "Well, I had a cousin when I was younger named Jason. His whole family was in the military pretty much. But he committed suicide when I was a kid."
I couldn't believe my ears. And I said, "Mom. He shot himself, didn't he?" She gave me a funny look, saying, "He had a nasty break-up with his girlfriend who he was in love with. He called her up on the phone, and shot himself while talking to her."
I told my mom what I kept seeing and feeling last night. She said that was really, really weird, and that there's no way I could have known of someone so obscure from the past. Then she called me Sylvia Browne, but still. -.-;

I know alot of people would call it coincidence, or insanity, or just me being dilusional with the flu. But I know what I saw, and I know what I felt. And that's the weirdest thing that's happened to me awake that I can ever recall.